I spent this past weekend rebuilding this site in Sapper. It helped take my mind off the ensuing pandemic of COVID-19. I had a roller coaster of emotions this weekend, to use an overused and trite cliché. I worry…I worry about my job, about my team, about my savings, about living in the most populous city in America during a time like this. I worry about my friends and family, those that have lost jobs, those that won’t be able to make rent come April 1st. I cried a lot this weekend; I haven’t been sleeping and the news is almost too much of a burden to carry right now. I finished watching Being Erica (a cute show from Canada that has an interesting premise) this weekend and balled during the last episode. It gave me a reason—an excuse?—to cry. Silly to sit on my couch sobbing over fictional characters while the world rapidly collapses under us.

But, in the other moments of the weekend, I was elated and happy. I’m safe, I’m healthy (for now), I have savings, my job is still secure. I made slow cooker cream of chicken soup and drank coffee. I read and worked on my site. My life hasn’t changed all that much. I’m actually enjoying the forced quarantine since it gives me an excuse to not have to go out. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on living in this great city.

My hope is that something good comes from this pandemic. I hope people start to understand that leadership and expertise are good things; that we realize that government is not the devil it has been made out to be; that health care is put at the forefront of America’s agenda (no one should go bankrupt from necessary medical care). I hope we realize that we are always stronger together and that a rising tide raises all boats. I hope we come together.

This weekend also crystallized a few things for me. Nothing drastic but my focus becomes a bit more pointed, a bit sharper. It is shaking things up for me and I am not sure where it will all fall. I’m learning to be even better with uncertainty, as we all must be now.